write because you’ve got something to say

it’s been quite a long time since i have last posted something around here. i didn’t quit! it was just an end of university year with many exams and a successful BA diploma in pastoral theology for me. and that took from me a lot of time.

i haven’t published, that’s true, but i was constantly thinking in the past two months on why do i write for and what do i write for. of course i know why i write! (see that down below). well, the result of this reevaluating of my purpose is that i decided to start in the future a hungarian version of this blog. i will translate most of the posts that i already wrote and will constantly do that from now on. so, my hungarian speaking fellows: from now on you don’t have to complain, that you don’t understand what’s happening! magyar flag


why do i write? 

when i started thinking about launching this blog, i bought myself a notebook (paper, not digital) and i bought it in order to write down my ideas and plans. but i bought one particular notebook, with the following very inspiring quote on the cover:

you don’t write because you want to say something. you write because you’ve got something to say.

now, as i think back to the moment i have bought this copy-book for my notes, i know that was a short, but substantial moment.


you’ve got something to say:

i have to start with being selfish. writing for me means to know myself better. that’s why i write a self coaching blog. it’s a way of expressing myself. sometimes it’s good to write out the things you have deep inside – for that you need a journal. writing on the blogosphere teaches me to control myself, my words and my thoughts. readers give a good feed-back (if they like-follow-comment-share etc).
but i never exclude the possibility that readers can benefit from my selfish experiment. everyone is free to learn from what i write.

share yourself with everyone

some can work more on finding a topic to write about, than what it takes to actually write a post. it can be a nice experiment to try to find the topic that most people are interested in. if the topic is good, the readers will come.
i see it the other way around. what i write about it’s already present, i have dreams, experiences, i see things, read, think on the things i experience. i don’t search for a topic because i need to write something, anything. i’ve got something to say and that’s what i’ll write about. it’s up to the readers how will the articles are received.

write because you’ve got something to say

you need to know your audience – they say. and that’s true. when you start a page, you have to take in consideration that the content you are posting will be read by one type of audience. so if you want to reach as many readers as you can, you have to write in such a way, that a wide range of people become interested in your articles.
now, for me, that’s not enough. i don’t want to trap in people in to my blog. i care about those who visit my blog and read my content. i keep an eye on those who are interested.
74% of those who visit my blog are native hungarian speakers. i can’t leave this vital information out. so, by taking the blog to a new level and providing a hungarian version, i want to show my readers that i care about them.
for those who don’t speak hungarian, relax: i know what topics you prefer and will continue writing on that, plus + i am happy to answer all you questions and be a friend when needed.

take care of your audience


so the process starts with me, an egoistic attempt to express myself and to improve. but in this process i hope to see the needs of others.
i hope i can be useful for others too. 


it is very healthy to take some time for yourself in order to evaluate your past, take a deep look at your current situation and plan for the future. this kind of  evaluation is important, because it can help you to know where you belong. many people just live with the flux of everyday questions. when you stopped evaluating your role in the society, your position in your work career, your aim for the future, i think you might be close to a burnout or you activated the autopilot mode in your life. things just happen, you just live from one day to the other. doing new things can easily insecure you, having new acquaintances unease you, dreaming of better and focusing on improvement  are missing.

what can help you getting over this phase in your life, you might ask? i propose you a small exercise, if you are willing to give a try. i named it mission-thinking.


of course, those who know how much interested i am in theological studies, might think that now i want to make a point on some Christian techniques or a sort of convertion. well, they are wrong -maybe-
we live a time of almost total secularization of the word mission. you go to army and you are sent out to the field-work, you already have a mission to complete. or, you work in business, you have to know the mission statement of your company. the word mission has been dechristianised during the years. but the meaning and context we use this word in is the same: you have an aim, you want to reach a goal, you are willing to fight for something- you have a mission, or a vision (the way i called this in a prior blog post).


so, here’s my suggestion and the theoretical background of my mission-thinking conception:

when you think about the things you are doing, or you would like to do, try to see them as missions. you should reevaluate the most important aspects and parts of your life. in which things do you see a mission?
– what you learn will be only an income source, or it’s also something you really want to live for?
– your role in the society, as a volunteer, member of an organisation, church member or simply as neighbour is the way you really want to add to your fellow-beings?
– is your hobby meaningful enough to make you feel you are actively doing something, or it is just a way you say goodbye to the world and become lonesome?
if you really think what you are doing is more than getting over the everyday tasks, you need to say it’s not only a must-do thing, but it is your mission. i think this phrasing is more powerful than having a goal, reaching an aim…

so, take some time reassess things and say it out loud what is your mission.



the impacts of some experiences from the past week lead me to think more about questions related to identity. not only in general, where do i belong, what’s my role on this planet, who am i as mother/father/employee, but more in an ontological? way.

„perhaps it’s impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be” Orson Scott Card

we are born with a so called blank paper knowledge, tabula rasa. all we do our whole life is to fill in this white sheet with information, experiences, feelings and behavior. we are constantly changing. right from the moment of conception – before we even see the light of this world, and up to the moment we stop seeing the light of this world – after we die, we still change.

in between the two periphery we constantly develop, change, shape. The 4 years old naive boy i used to be is not anymore the same with the 16 years old rebellious teenager, and will never be the same with the 30+ years old men. who am i, who is the authentic self?

following my blog post on burn-out someone asked me on linkedIn the following:

You imply that you or I are currently your inauthentic self, otherwise you wouldn’t highlight the need to move toward your authentic self. This also means that you must clearly know what your authentic self is to be able to determine that you are actually moving towards it. Without this knowledge, you can’t know that you are for certain journeying towards your authentic self, only that you are seeking and/or experiencing a difference from your current inauthentic self. I was wondering when in the past, or how you came to know your authentic self before starting your journey?

i don’t know if i could give an answer that was required from me at this point. the only thing i know for sure is that i really mean what i wrote as a reply:


we all arrive to this world not knowing anything, and end our life with knowing how little we know. the attitude that stipulates the whole process is who we really are.


Sometimes change can be for the birds

i like to call them rituals. routines are very effective.


“Routine” – Just saying the word sounds boring. You may not even realize it but you love routine as much as you may hate it. You love it because it is the opposite of change. it is doing something over and over again day in and day out. It allows you to avoid surprises and to become comfortable in a pattern.

There is always noise about how change is good and that the only constant happens to be change itself. There are a ton of quotes, sayings and believers of routine being the worst thing since sliced bread.While change absolutely has a place we also believe that routines do as well. We are all here because we are trying to achieve a better version of ourselves and sometimes we need to get a boost to get there. This is how a routine can help.

Routines allow us to gain efficiency and measure progress over time…

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burn-out and what leads to it

it’s always busy around this period of the year. fully packed agenda, numerous tasks to finish, lots of traffic, many presents to be bought, people to meet and greet.
i have particularly lot’s of things to do before and during this Christmas -so will be from now on every year and it’s not that i’m complaining!- this is why the question of burn-out preoccupies me in a special way.

in the search for understanding what’s happening with overloaded people and how to prevent burn-out, i got to read Anselm Grün on burnout prevention. the benedictine states that most of the times he observes five motives that lead to burn-out.

but before reviewing the five, let me make it clear for everyone: stress and burn-out are not the same. being very busy and tired from being overcharged, having a lot of things on your schedule and not coping to finish what has to be done does not mean that you have a burnout. learn to distinguish stress, tiredness (and maybe the inability to organize yourself better) from burn-out !


  1. perfectionism – most people try to do their best, but there are people who are not satisfied with themselves and they try to achieve 150%. be careful now, even 100% can’t be achieved – only maybe in heaven. why aiming higher, when the must-need thing is to do your job properly? you will put plus wight on your shoulders. if you try to put the standards higher than needed, you are the only one to blame for not being able to complete what you have planned. burn-out can strike when you try to do more than imaginable.
  2. being outward – people try to satisfy others, try to live up to others expectations and behave in a way others would like to see them. it’s not you living anymore, but the one others expect from you to be lives on your behalf. you need to answer expectations, but you don’t need to fulfill every each of the expectations.
  3. building wrong image of yourself – perfectionism is an inner process, being outward has to do with the surroundings. when the two of them are both present you get a mixed up stream of consciousness. you don’t work enough on your identity and for this reason you get to be changed in someone you don’t know anymore. it’s good to sit back from time to time and make it clear who you are and who you became. revert every time to the authentic self.
  4.  tiredness – this is simple. it’s biology. we all reach a point where we need to stop. don’t put too much strain on yourself. take some proper rest. have you ever heard of power naps? now you did. apply them.
  5. disappointment – this theme is very wide. it can be that you don’t get enough positive feed-back or you simply don’t take time to reflect on your activity. reflection gives you the opportunity to think through experiences, both good and bad. you have to admit yourself from time to time that you had failures, but you need to see also your successes. reflect not to be deflected.


instead of burning out, watch for these five causes and head forward like a fast car with a burnout.


leadership models (II) – have a vision

the business leadership book of John P. Kotter called Leading Change inspired me especially on how to organize a group and in many other ways. but the most intriguing and original ideas for me were the ones the author wrote about leaders and ways to lead. he writes a comparison example that helps to understand the difference between a usual and a great leader. here is our case: three different groups of 10 people each are having picnic. suddenly a rainstorm is coming. so here it is how the three different leaders of the groups react.

(1) in the first group the leader says something like: get up and follow me! we need to get under cover – and expects everyone to do that. no explanation, no reasons to interpret. he uses only the authority.

(2) second group, the leader says: okay here is the plan. we will take up carefully everything we used for the picnic, everyone it’s own belongings first, than we shall help others, and after that we will try to reach a safer point, and from there we can actually see new possibilities in order to… and the whole group got wet already!

(3) the leader of the third group acts as following: it’s going to rain in a few minutes. why don’t we go under that huge apple tree. we’ll stay dry and we can eat some apples for dessert.

they say, the last leader is the best. because he has a vision. it’s not only that the group does what is necessarily to do, but also gets a reward, gets a further motivation. gets a vision. and a vision is always giving a new direction for the people, it’s easily imaginable and desirable and can be easily explained.

with the help of the book and mainly thanks to this story, i realized the importance of having a further plan, something that won’t keep me busy only for a few months, but will keep me incorporated in my everyday life.

don’t get me wrong. i’m not talking about long term plans, wishes or dreams. i’m talking about a vision.


i have the feeling that burnout strikes in when people stop being visionaries. they might have some plans, things they want to achieve, cases they want to fight for, places they would like to visit, tasks that are engaged with, but these are things everyone can easily have -voluntarily or in a vegetative way-

having a vision means to be flowing. to be persistent. having a vision is not the type of lifestyle when you ask yourself who you want to be in 10 years and where do you imagine yourself being in 20 years. having a vision means to have a comprehensive view of your whole life, aims, dreams, spirituality, status.
having a vision means to have a panoramic view of your life.

i’m not talking about general dreams. i’m talking about visions.